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Ky Family Law Blog

Posts tagged custody
How to reach out to a friend going through a divorce

Divorce is one of those issues where people don’t know what to say, when they know you are going through the process. Sometimes they don’t know how to act or what to do and often what happens is that people retreat and give you “space” and assume if you want to talk about it, you will come to them, but they definitely don’t want to ask about how your divorce is going.

It is important to have a support when you are going through the divorce process, it is a hard process. It is estimated that 6.7% of the U.S. Population suffers from depression and that number goes even higher when you are talking about the context of a divorce. So how can you give your friend space and be for them at the same time?

The easiest thing that you can do is just invite them out for a drink or coffee. Let them know that they don’t have to talk about what is going on and that you aren’t looking for gossip or information relating to their divorce, you just want to go have a drink and listen because you are interested in their life and how they are doing.

However, if you want to really be there for them, then one of the easiest and most effective things that you can do for your friend. INVITE THEM OVER FOR DINNER. It is hard to turn down a hot meal for anyone and if your friend moved out of their home, chances are they are eating out a lot, so a home cooked meal can always be comforting, make you feel like people care about you, and bring some normalcy to a chaotic time in their lives.

Don’t know what to cook, try this roast chicken recipe that is really easy to make as the oven does most of the work and pairs really nice with wine.

 

ROAST CHICKEN

Ingredients

1 roasting chicken (5-6 lbs serves at least 4)

Kosher salt

Freshly ground black pepper

2 bunches of fresh thyme

1 lemon

1 head garlic

2 tablespoons melted butter

1 large yellow onion, thickly sliced

8 carrots cut into 2-inch chunks

1 bulb of fennel

Olive oil

Directions:

1.     Preheat the oven to 425 degrees

2.     Remove the chicken giblets. Rinse the chicken inside and out and pat dry. Liberally salt and pepper the inside of the chicken. Stuff the cavity with a bunch of the thyme, cut the lemon in half and put both inside the chicken, cut the garlic in half and put it all in the chicken. Brush the outside of the chicken with the butter and salt and pepper the outside.

3.     Place the onions, carrots, and fennel in a roasting pan. Put enough olive oil over them so you can toss them with salt, pepper and the remainder of your thyme. Spread around the bottom of the roasting pan and place the chicken on top.

 

Serve it with vegetable or mashed potatoes and just let the conversation flow naturally. You aren’t there to talk about the divorce, you are just there to socialize and enjoy each other’s company. 

By: Jason A. Bowman

Family Law Questions

I often get questions, from all over the country, that can be helpful for people who are looking for quick answers and if they should be seeking legal advice. Always consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction for specific advice:

QUESTION: 

My wife left our state for a supposed vacation recently. When I arrived to join her on vacation, she told me she would not be moving back home and that she wanted a divorce.

Blindsided! We have not yet filed for divorce, but I want to know what rights I have? I do not want my child to be 3,000 miles away and have to go live across the country in the mother’s new state

Answer:

While I am not licensed to practice law in your state, I can give some general guidance on this issue. 

You should immediately consult an attorney in your jurisdiction as the jurisdiction clock is running against you and the more time that you allow to pass, the closer that other state gets to assuming jurisdiction over the issues in your case.

Most states have a residency requirement in order to file for divorce. The timing of this residency requirement varies by state, but usually it is about 180 days. This is the time frame for establishing jurisdiction to get a divorce entered. 

When we are talking about children, jurisdiction is usually established by the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act that nearly every state has adopted as its own law.

The jurisdiction requirement under that act is that the home state of the child will control jurisdiction. The home state of the child is usually defined as where the child has resided for the past six months. For every day you delay, your wife’s new state may be getting closer to assuming jurisdiction over that issue of the case.

 

Lawyers Best Advice: Plan for Holidays Now!!!

Divorce is always difficult. When the holidays approach, it can become even more difficult. This is especially true if you don’t plan for the fact that you will be going through a divorce during the holidays and you are trying to figure out what to do with the children. We all want the divorce to not affect the children, but since you are in the divorce process, it may not be possible for your children to do everything that they are accustomed to doing around the holidays.  While this holiday season may be important, keep in mind that next year there may be a new schedule, so it is in everyone’s best interest to begin planning now.

 

As September is comes to a close, it is important to keep an eye on the upcoming holidays, including school fall break.  Have you worked out how to divide this time during the holidays and school breaks? If you haven’t, it is important to put that on the top of your list and to attempt to resolve those issues prior to the start of the holidays and school breaks.

Courts really don’t like motions about holiday time that are filed the week before that holiday. They don’t have the time available to determine what is the best interest of the child. Proper planning can help you determine what is in the best interest of your child. The Court’s reasoning is that holidays come at the same time each year, if there is an issue, you should have anticipated it earlier. If you want to make sure that your holidays are taken care of, It is much better to address the issue now and avoid attempting to go to the Court at the last minute. If you are unable to agree, this will give you time to bring the issue before the Court.

The issue is addressing the holiday and break times with the person you are divorcing. The following are some tips to address that issue:

1.  Talk. I know it sounds simple, but have a discussion with your spouse about establishing new holiday traditions now, rather than waiting until the divorce is final. Even if the response you receive is no, or I don’t want to, you attempted to resolve the issue prior to going to Court.

2. Understand that your holiday schedule that you have always followed probably won’t work anymore. His parents Christmas Eve, your parents Christmas afternoon, flip that on odd years. It is a lot to try to cram in to a holiday season. Also, remember we are talking about the children, not you or your family. Think outside the box as far as traditions go. Create your new traditions. Attempt to work through scheduling in a way that makes sense for the children first, then you  and finally your family.  I understand that Grandma is important, but it isn’t about her.

3.  Confirm all plans or agreements in writing.  If there is a dispute down the road, this document may prove invaluable and may resolve the issue quickly.

If you cannot reach an agreement, talk to your attorney, who will help you develop a game plan on how to address this issue. The Court’s goal will be to minimally disrupt the child’s life, so hopefully, your family’s past holiday traditions have provided good memories for the children.    Rather than let the change influence your holidays, take this opportunity and plan ahead for a great holiday season for your family.  If your spouse obstructs your efforts to plan, contact your attorney sooner rather than later so any problems can be addressed in a timely manner.